A Lost BattleSomeone holding my hand?
I can't see or move
but i can hear and feel.
I can hum someone sobbing & feel a tight grip.
Why can't i move?
I hear humming & a rythmic beeping.
Where am I!?
My breath wont help me anymore,
no matter how many times i try to gasp for air it doesn't help.
The beeping is going crazy,
someone is screaming for air but all i get is beeping.
I don't hurt anymore?
I hear a long beep & now I can't feel pain,
peaceful bliss of light.
"Walk into it, it's for you."
Shortlived EscapeMiserey enabled by the heart and mind,
triggered by the happenings around you.
As the freezing water rushes over you,
you think about all the hot tears running their course.
Your inaudible cries snarling from your throat turn hoarse.
The silver shinning.
Swiftly, viciously striking your own flesh.
Blood streaming, infusing with the pure water.
Burning with intoxicating pleasure as your blood runs out
along with the pain in your heart & mind.
The physical pain is a release until you look down,
look down & really look down at the marred flesh.
Pain, a never ending cycle
soon after your release the torment raises it's ugly head again.
Once again the torment & misery are here & you know,
you know you'll do this again.
You know it'll hurt those around you,
knowing this you & i still do it anyway.
Then we cry because of the cycle & the people we'll hurt.
Instincts Betrayed MeGoing through the pain but not getting to feel the reward.
Never getting to look into those luminous new eyes,
the eyes of the new soul.
Almost there but not quiet reaching,
not getting to finally hold that bundle of joy.
The sick, twisted pain of waiting
then never getting to see your offspring.
Never getting to feel motherhood but
feeling the torment of growing.
All the while wondering what you did wrong,
why are you & i being punished for a unknown crime.
Never hearing the cry of life escape your youngs body.
Going trough the pain but not getting the reward.
Am I ReadyGrowing, thumping & bumping
along with that rythm my heart is singing.
Up & down I go from a natural high
to a terrified cry.
Growing along with my instinct & love.
The power of that nurturing instinct,
& the love that knows no bounds.
As i hear that beautiful heartbeat
in tuned to mine to make wonderful music in my ears.
Music so pure to make even the gods stop to listen
&envy the sound of it.
I feel the bumping & i know agonizing pain is soon to come
but i dont care as i hear the motherly hum.
The hum that promises that after the pain pure joy
as i look into the eyes of soul i will bring forth.
The only question is...
am i ready?
Our SongYou'll be here in my heart,
the song i sing as i cry from memories of you.
The song we chose to bring us together,
& now it tears me apart.
The song felt as if it had been composed for us,
words & melody perfectly in tuned to us.
Singing it as our hearts wove even more intertwined
like a vine & blossomed like the glorious flowers of nature.
Never had i felt such pure joy,
never had my heart & soul soared
to fly across each note of the song to match the rythm of our beating hearts.
Soon it all came crashing down as we let the song
carry our logic & leave behind only our animal instincts.
The song that had once filled me with love & bliss,
now unhinge me to expose my broken soul.
To show my shattered heart.
You'll be here in my heart always,
i sing as i cry from the memories of the past
& the sadness over me it has cast.
AngstDepression driving me to madness.
I'm trying to forget & push everything down, i cant.
My never ending tears threaten to drown me with the memories attached to them.
I grow weaker with each droplet that runs it course,
knowing there's nothing i can do only makes me feel ashamed.
Ashamed by my own weakness & inability to confront the source.
What do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?
What do i do with the pathetic excuse of myself,
with this weak piece of shit?
A shadow of what i used to be is all that's left.
Ill never be restored to my former self.
The past dreams i once took pleasure in,
now are nightmares to ensnare me in horror.
These nightmares are meant to make me scream in agony,
they do their job, they make me scream and cry for mercy.
Making every time i look into your beautiful eyes a living hell filled with my agonizing tears.
The Silver DaggerStab my back & twist the knife,
put me out of my misery.
The pain you caused me may haunt me for life.
Agony swirls in this hollow husk of the girl i used to be.
How could you not see what your lies were doing to me,
or did u just not care?
The only mistake was not seeing past your lies,
you broke my heart for no reason other than your own greed.
Now the world is full of regret shown by never ending sighs.
Where is the love & care you once decreed?
The other one, what does she have that i don't?
Now she has one more thing i have to live without.
Every time you said "i promise i won't" only fed me doubt.
You used to be the reason for the sun to shine,
but now you bring the darkness.
You used to be my very own drug,
the one who would cloud my awareness.
You used to into my head & i would smile,
now every time you come around all i can do is cry.
Now please just...
Stab my back & twist the knife,
please bring my agony to an end.
Longing HungerEverlasting, never leaving,
always there to torment me.
Always there to remind me of a monstrous past.
To reopen the painful scars,
of claws & teeth shredding, exposing the point
& prize of this endless hunt.
We long to find two things but cursed by them.
We yearn to find our other half yet,
so many obstacles stand in our way of achieving it.
The rules we have been forced to live by.
The laws, both natural & artificial,
those guarding the longing & the hunger.
The longing of meeting that one person that
can set our senses ablaze, spark & give meaning to our lives.
The hunger for the crimson elixir,
how we need, how we want it so much that we become blind.
Both dangerous & both caress us in an enlightening embrace.
Both make our senses come alive, essential to us all,
essential until the very moment we fall.
Not SeeingBelieving isnt always seeing & seeing isnt always believing.
Eyes give you a view of the world,
not always true or false;not always real or deceiving.
What do you do when your tossed into the retched cold,
the world dieing around you?
What do you do with a sheltered child's one sided truth?
What will you do when you see the world?
Laugh, cry crawl into a corner or pretend everything is ok...
The innocent dont get a say,
not in this twisted world in which we live.
You have to lose that innocence just to survive.